Inilah Sharifah Aini..... Concert

A friend smsed me to inform me that this concert would be on air on channel 180 at 3 pm January 1, 2010. I asked my kids to watch the concert with me. Sarah asked me why am I in TV? Hard explaining to her.

It was a wonderful New Year's Day.... It really made my day. Thank you DSA.

Welcome 2010...

Goodbye 2009.... It had been a year full of tears and laughters. All my kids were hospitalized

in May, September and November. Too much happenings and I had to cope and face all on my own. It was a full year without a husband and I manage to get over the phase with a lot of help from friends and family. I thanked my kids for believing in me and the support from them, unmeasurable. I love you...

I welcome 2010 surrounded by my kids. They are the most important people in my life. Hope that 2010 will bring us joy and happiness. May we be blessed, insyaAllah....

From us, Happy 2010 to all....

Long Leave

I will be taking a long leave starting tomorrow to sort out some important matters. Need to get some rest after a year full of mishaps and sorrow. I hope 2010 will be a better year for me and the kids. Happy new Year to all....

Another day - wedding

Again... at Juju's wedding at Felda Villa. It was a beautiful garden wedding. Met many2 relatives there. Well the first time facing my family clan after my divorce. It was hard explaining to many2 aunts and uncles regarding my status. But it went through well.

Was on my feet for the whole wedding. Tired but happy... After the wedding, my two favourite aunts and I went shopping at Jalan TAR... Good bargain and satisfying day!

3-days weekend

Oh! Another 3-days weekend.... Last weekend I was at a beautiful island... serene and peaceful. And now I am back at the busy city... back to work. Thought of taking a long leave next year to sort out some personal matters. Need to register kids at new school and manage the kindergarten.

The first 2 weeks at the kindergarten would be havoc as new kids enrolled. Hope that we will get more students this year.

What to do this weekend? Got a wedding to attend on Saturday. Btw my aunt is at my place. She followed me on my way back from Langkawi. So tomorrow, will be going to Jalan TAR with my aunt. On Saturday to the wedding and Jalan TAR again....

Holiday in Langkawi

I drove from KL on Friday evening to Ipoh, slept overnight at my aunt's place. Met some relatives there... On Saturday morning, I drove to Kuala Kangsar and Taiping to meet more relatives and reached Alor Setar at 5.30 pm. Stayed overnight at another aunt's place.

On Sunday morning, we took the ferry ride to Langkawi via Kuala Kedah. Got a car to go round Langkawi. Luckily its an auto car... Cant imagine if its a manual car....

Maal Hijrah 1431

Happy New Year to all... Well Maal Hijrah is also new year. Any new resolutions? I have tot of some and first and foremost, my wish is that all will be better in the future. The last 4 months of 1430 H was challenging for me and the kids. With the new year, we hope all will be easier for us.

We will be going to Langkawi on 20 Dec 2009. Before that we will be driving to Ipoh and Penang to visit relatives and friends. I hope that this trip will bond us further....

Latest Family Photo

Took this photo at Juju's wedding today 12/12/09. Can see that the kids had grown.... Well soon, I'd be the shortest in the family.

Juju's Wedding

I attended Juju's akad nikah ceremony at Keramat on 11/12. Juju is my first born nephew, my sister's eldest son. Congratulations to Juju and Cha Cha. I hope they will live and cherish each other till the rest of their lives.

Met many relatives at the ceremony. Their reception will be held on Dec 26, 2009. Will have more pictures then....

X-Mas

We were at Great Eastern Mall a few days ago. Maisarah loves Christmas coz she tot she could get presents... So she insisted that her photograghs taken here. The boys were just as excited too. Bought some presents for them and candy canes too.

Every year when it comes to Christmas, I would buy some presents for the kids. Well its end of the year. So it is the best time to buy stationeries for them too. This year, I bought some books for Maisarah. Last year I bought colour pencils and and pencil cases the previous year. Will wrap all the presents and even before christmas, all the presents will be gone.... Well... just to make the kids happy.

Any wishes this year? Yes, I do....

Time to Chill...

Today things happened that made me realised that I need to chill... I really need a break from all. Too much things happening in the last three months or shall I say the last 12 months to be exact. Trying to juggle my life alone with the kids, my job and other social responsibilities. I eventually could not find time for myself. I wish I could have more time for myself but circumstances wouldnt allow me. Well thats the sacrifices that a mum need to do for the kids.


I really hope the kids will understand why I am doing all these for them in the future. Perhaps when they grow older, they will be a better person.

Tiada Maaf Bagimu

As I mentioned in my earlier post that I attended a concert by Datuk Sharifah Aini with my good friends AJ and Haji N. She was fabulous! Her voice still sound the same as I remembered her from my younger days. My late mum always dreamt to have her as a daughter in-law.... Hahahah. Her songs somehow fits my situation now and two songs especially: Tiada Maaf Bagimu and Jatuh Cinta. There is a concert by DSA and Anuar Zain on Dec 7 at Concorde Hotel, KL but I think I would wait for her next concert with Anita Sarawak probably in Jan 2010. That is a must!

Cool view

This the view of KL from my office. Can see KLCC clearly on a bright day. But cant say much about today. Raining most of the time.... No sun not good for clothes, actually. My clothes need the sun to dry... Or perhaps I should start thinking of sending them to the laundry.

Today the ride home was a bit bad. What else to expect on a Friday eve? But I still manage to get home in less than half an hour. Not bad, eh?

Up, up and away

Zaid & Sarah have grown taller. From these pics in HK and KL we can the differences in their heights. Zaid is almost 5' tall already. A few more inches and he will be taller than me. Sarah is also catching up with me. Zaid is wearing the same shoe size as I am. How fast kids grow! Before you know it, they will out from the nest... Now I cant imagine my life without them.

My Image

Lately some friends commented that Zaid looks like me and Maisarah looks like my late mum. Perhaps so... Well some friends still remembered my late mum from her visits during my school days.

At least my two kids have my looks. I cant say much about Zaki though. Zaki got my family's hair do.... He has his father's features actually. Cant help it... A is still the father of the kids.

Zaki is still in his exam week. Three more papers to go. His last paper will be on the last day of SPM actually, on Dec 16. A long break from Dec 07, second last paper.

Today was a busy day for me. Went to JPWP to settle Zaid's secondary school. Got the transfer forms from SMPJ and had to submit to JPWP. Then I had to run some errands. Had a sumptuous lunch with the kids at Restoran Puteri. Then did some shopping at warehouse sales. Got ourselves some good bargains. The kids had to wait for me to get my new blouses and they got their goodies too. So no complains.... Had to bribe them first.

Hari Raya Aidil Adha

This is where we celebrated Hari Raya Aidil Adha this year.....
At the hospital. No ketupat or rendang, as usual but we are still
together and that what matters most.

Zaki was discharged at 2 pm and how good to feels to be at
home again. In the comfort of my bed.... Been sleeping on the chair
at the hospital


Thank you to all the well wishers and support that I received from friends and family.


Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha to all from us.

exam @ apsh

Zaki trying to catch some sleep while waiting for his exam to start. Kesian anak ibu.... Alhamdulillah he is getting better but still on drip coz he is not eating much. His fever subsided and the swollen area less painful. But the pass on his knee still there and treated by antibiotics.


At least he is taking his exam at a comfort of his home. Wearing kain pelikat.... And he can lie down.

His next paper will be on Dec 2 which is Science. A week off...

Zaki - Hospitalized

My dear Zaki was in pain since noon and I decided to send him the the hospital again. He was in tears and my heart breaks seeing him in pain. He was admitted into the hospital and I had to make many calls to his teachers coz on Monday, he has his Maths exam.


A came to pick up the other kids and we argued over Zaki. Actually I am supposed to appear in court on Tuesday coz he wants to claim Harta Sepencarian. At a moment like this, when Zaki is facing his SPM, injured and hospitalized and yet, what matters to him is to claim his harta. What a thoughtfool father! Priority please! When he came back to sent the kids, Zaki was vomitting and all he cared for is sitting at one corner with his phone! What a father!

Oh Oh! School Holidays

Its school holidays again... Last long school holidays, we went to Hong Kong. It was early Dec 2008 and winter. No snow and very2 cold. The kids were not used to very cold weather and had hard time adjusting to it.

The trip to Disneyland was fun. Sara enjoyed the most and the boys enjoyed the rides. They were asking to go to Hong Kong again but this year, Zaki is sitting for his SPM. I intend to take them to Langkawi actually after SPM. And after that trip, we will be busy shifting house.

As long as we are together, we will salvage every moment and before the kids grow any bigger, I want them to feel loved and secured. My kids, my precious darlings. No matter where you'll in the future, you'll still be my baby.... I love you all.

Of exams and results

SPM started on Wed and Zaki did his at his school. Well.... There were Aznil and troop from Radio Era at the school and Zaki was interviewed live. What an experience! He was able to wear his basketball shorts because its quite painful for him should he wear long pants. Wearing his white uniform with tie and his shorts.... I think everyone will remember this for a long time!

And today, Zaid got his UPSR results. Unbelievable! 5As and I was in tears. When I heard his name called at the school, I was jumping with joy. Am proud of Zaid... Even his class teacher could not believe he got that results. I hope that he will keep up with his good results. Alhamdulillah.

Eventful Weekend

Last weekend, I think was the busiest weekend. I attended 3 weddings, a gotong royong, 2 ihtifal and my dear Zaki met an accident.... Wow! What a weekend! Zaki received 13 stitches on his left lower arm and bruises all over his body. And he is sitting for his SPM on Wednesday! I was running around to settle with his school, hospital, police station and also work.

Zaki was taken from the accident site to HKL by ambulance. When I arrived at the site, he was already taken by ambulance. I asked the policemen where was he taken, and to my dismay, they didnt know. They guessed HKL and I zoomed there and found him. Luckily my brother came to my rescue. He took the other kids home and babysit them for a few hours.

My dear boy was really scared and most of all scared that I would be screaming... but I didnt. Well... what else could I do. I accepted that as fate and thats the risk of living. It could happen to anybody whether you drive, on bike or even walking. I hope that Zaki would learn something from the incident and be more careful in the future. I emailed A to inform him, but as usual, no respond or whatsoever. I've done my duty to inform him regarding his son, but if he chose to ignore, I cant help it. For whatever the reason, I chose not to bother coz this is reality. If he could do weird things to me, what is ignoring his kids....?

The kids also dont expect him to come running should anything happened to them. Thats what he was as far as they are concerned. Being selfish even to his own legal kids.... How weird fathers could be... They only know how to fathered the kids but they dont know how to be the father. And yet they expect the kids to treat them with full respect! How sad....

Matlock DVD

As I was about to go back from office today, my boss handed me this DVD. It was so thoughtful of him as he knew I like Matlock. He bought a whole bunch of DVDs during his trip to USA last January. There goes my weekend... Glued to TV watching this DVD. But as today is Friday, my Midsomer Murder will be my priority.

Have many plans tho for the weekend actually... wedding, ihtifal, piano class, gotong royong and the list goes on and on. Will try to attend all.... Wishful thinking!

My other students

Remember I have 2 other classes. The small kids were at the zoo and we had a lot fun. The other one is at the tuition centre. The pleasure of teaching kids from various ages and backgrounds make me feel lucky to be the daughter of my parents. How my father forced me to speak in Englsih ever since I was small and I can see the benefits now.

We never realise sometimes when you are forced to do something that you detest, eventually it will benefit us later in the future. It pays to be patient and persevere....

These are some of the students that I teach in two different schools. My passion for teaching kids English started when I was asked to teach some neighbours' children. I have the patience to teach these kids but according to my kids I am GARANG. Yes to my kids but not to other kids. I am strict with my kids when it comes to English. But when I go to these classes, I felt needed and appreciated. A always say that I am not good. But its not for him to judge me... I had been teaching tuition at this school for the last 5 years and had proven that I am able to guide and teach the kids.

I have two other classes; kindergarten and SPM students. The SPM class is over as the exam is just 6 days away.. Argh...I pray that Zaki will do well. To all the students sitting for their exam, GOOD LUCK! Read the questions carefully and answer correctly.

The boys' birthday

The boys' birthdays were in September. Zaki and Zaid turned 17 and 12 respectively. We delayed the celebration because of the exams and it was in fasting month. The trip to Singapore was the birthday present. We were at Fridays and the boys had to stand on the chairs while the staffs sang the birthday song.

I wonder where will we celebrate birthdays next year.... The next birthday to celebrate is mine... Where shall I go? Any suggestions?

Another Concert - BDB

Yes! Another concert.. This one a Mother's Day present from my boss. Black Dog Bone and Jay-Jay. My good friend, Shema, went with me. It was like living in the 70s. The songs from BDB and Jay-Jay reminded us of our younger days. As usual, we sang along.. We can see the crowd singing along and the concert was entertaining.

We queued up to get autographs from the singers. Later after the concert, we had supper and we reached home quite late.

My boss enjoyed the concert so much that he went again with his family the next day.

Birthday Lunch

Had lunch with 3 good friends

at KLCC. We were celebrating a birthday. Well.. one of us. We spent our teen years together. We talked about our younger days and trying to catch up and updating the new stories. We had abundance of food and had to pack some. So greedy..

I can say that we still look good for our age. We were still talking to each other like kids and we dont think our age slow us down. Happy to be still be able to get together and I hope that we will still cherish our time together. Thanks dear friends... Thanks for your support!

Another day... at the clinic

Again today I rushed home from work to take Sarah and Zaid to the clinic. In the last two weeks, I have been to the clinic more than 5 times. Zaki first, then Sarah and now Zaid... Luckily the doc is friendly and the clinic is quite near. The only problem is parking. Its a miracle to get a parking space nearby.


Again today it rained... I could not go back to the office and worked from home. Sent some emails to clients and communicate by YM and FB. In this era, its not impossible to work from home. We have all the gadgets and tech to actually do everything from home including banking, shopping etc. Thats why I enjoy staying at home coz its fun and have a lot of things to do...


Today I chatted with YKH, my ex-superior when I was working in the bank based company. I quit my job end 1995 to take care of Zaki. I wonder where would I be, should I still be working....
But... staying at home to be with kids still is the best choice. The pleasure of seeing your kids grow in front of your eyes. No regrets.

Rod Stewart's Concert

This great concert was held on February 28, 2009 in Singapore. I went there purposely to watch him live in concert. The 3 hours concert was enjoyable and most of the audience were singing together with him. He was energetic and his voice... For an old man, he is still a crowd puller. His fans mostly are on their feet jumping and shaking and singing to his songs.

After the concert, I walked in the rain to my hotel. I chose a hotel nearby the Singapore Indoor Stadium coz I knew that to get a taxi would be a miracle. While I was there, I manage to do some shopping for myself... My hobby actually.

I am looking forward to go to more concerts no matter where. In 2009 alone, I went to 4 concerts and still have 2 months to go....

Piano lesson

Sarah had her piano lesson today. Her fourth lesson actually. Esther, her teacher is a very patient lady. She tried to get Sarah's attention throughout the lesson. As usual, Sarah's attention span is short. But I am happy with Sarah's progress. Now Sarah is playing with both her hands and reading notes. Am very proud of my dear little girl....

Maybe one day Sarah will be able to entertain me with my favourite songs... Barry Manilow's songs perhaps.... Even Now...

Weekend

As Sarah is still down with chicken pox, I decided to spend this weekend at home being with the kids. Zaki will start his exam on Nov 18 and Zaid will get his result soon. I hope Sarah will be able to go to school next week to sit for her exam.

I am starting to pack up my things to move by end Dec. I have lot of things to throw and had been giving away some of the clothes; to friends and recently 4 boxes to the earthquake victims in Padang, Sumatera. Felt good about it and will be giving more things away in due time. I dont think the new place can accomodate all my things from this house. Well... I dont think I want to take many things from this house either! I just want to start new. New place, new environment and away from this house. Cant wait to get out and move on....

Wheel of Fate

I was on this wheel during my visit to Singapore last September. It was huge but slow. From far, you cant see it moving. The kids at first tot it was not operating. We walked quite a bit (actually from Bugis to the Flyer) coz the roads were closed for the F1 race.

Sarah was complaining why the wheel seemed to be near but far. When we reached there, there were no crowd. The wheel ride was slow and steady. Cant feel anything actually. The view was breathtaking. You can see the whole of Singapore from up there.

The Wheel ride is like the cycle of life. The ups and downs and finally you're back on the ground. The ground is where the reality lies. You need to experience all sorts adventures and meet many people to be where you are now. I see my life as slow and steady like the wheel. It took me many painful years to be where I am now. At least part of the pain is over now. As always I told A, the pain is over but the scar will always remain... Am not going to endure the same pain again.

I read a book that say Love anything that lives - a person, a pet, a plant - and it will die. Trust anybody and you may be hurt; depend on anyone and that one may let you down. The price of cathexis is pain. Move out or grow in any dimension and pain as well as joy will be your reward. There is frequently something pathetic about the individual who has failed to build his family into a loving unit, yet restlessly searches for loving relationships outside the family. The first obligation of a genuinely loving person will always be to his or her marital and parental relationships.

Think about that!

My dear old friend

I am pleased and excited! Thru FB, I found a long lost old friend from my primary years in KB. Well I saw her brother's name who happened to be my super senior at my secondary school. I manage to chat with him via FB and managed to explain who am I. He gave me his sister's hp no and I called her. She is in Penang and I can hear from her shouting, she was feeling excited. Tg Asilah... it was great hearing your voice!

I have not seen her since the 70s, perhaps over 30 years and we can still recall our times together. Such great times cycling all around KB and visiting friends. I had always wanted to meet my friends from primary days and trying to gather some info from friends who shared the same secondary school. Since they all hail from KB, perhaps they might have bumped into old friends.... Maybe we can organize a gathering....

So anyone reading this blog who happened to know anyone from ZS2 primary school 1970-1975, please contact me. I love to hear from you...

My off day

Tuesdays and Thursdays are my off days. This morning I managed to take Zaid to make his IC which was 2 months overdue. His 12th birthday this year was in fasting month and exam month. Last month I was uptight with a lot of things in mind and finally I found the time to take him. We went to JPN at Sri Rampai coz there are less crowd there. I once accompanied Zaki when he was 12 and the queue was like a mile long...

At last my astro got fixed. Sarah is the most excited one coz she can watch her 6++ channels again. Zaki is getting better but Sarah is down with fever. Can see the chicken pox coming out already. Hope she will be over it soon.

While I was running errand at TNB, I saw this show about abused women and the organisations who supported them. Good show... Kept me thinkin about all the other women who are facing these physical and mental abuse but refused to come forward. Women are not born to be abused especially not by husbands who think they are superior. We should not protect these men who do not value and appreciate us, women. We are the better species... Believe it!

Lightning and chicken pox

There was a power surge at our area after a lightning strike the TNB pole near my house. Well... you can guess what happened next. My astro, modem, few lights and my notebook charger were affected. We stayed in total darkness till almost 9 pm when the power were restored. Sarah was freaking out. The TNB guys came to access our loss and will have to write to them to claim the loss. Imagine no atro and wifi... Macam duduk zaman batu....

This morning had to take Zaki to the clinic and found out that Sarah also got chicken pox.... Argh.. I expected that but still... Pity her. Lucky for me coz all the kids dont have any problem with medication. Her exam starts tomorrow and had to call the teacher to inform of her condition. I hope the school can understand.

Its still raining... Still no astro but manage to get a new modem. At least can still interneting.... No tv for the next few days....

Time

How time flies... Its already November. 10 months over in a brisk. The kids all grown up. Next year Sarah will be in her double digit age. Thats why I had her birthday celebrated (more than 5 people attended, she asked for it!) this year coz her last year in single digit. That means also another year added for me too.

Not to worry about age actually. Its just a number.. How you lived to be that number is more important. I wanted to grow old gracefully. When I was married, I never see myself growing old with A. I really dont mind growing old in my present condition coz I will always have the children with me esp Sarah. I am enjoying what I do now... traveling, reading, sudoku and teaching.

I am a part time teacher. I love teaching English. Currently I teach students from kindergarten to Form 5 students. Its such a great pleasure having to teach pupils English and seeing them appreciate what I had done is wonderful. I hope I will continue teaching and continue my service to the community...

Oh Friday...

I love Fridays whether TGIF or Friday not because the weekend is coming but its a day I can watch my fav show without disturbance from the kids. They knew that Friday night is my TV night. No one can kacau me watching Midsomer Murders on channel 702.

I enjoyed this British police drama for the language and the plot... very2 complicated. You actually have to watch and listen carefully in order for you to understand the story. I always like these mystery series. I used to watch Matlock, Barnaby Jones, Murder She Wrote, Murder 101, Mystery Woman to name a few. I love solving murder stories. My kids never understand why I like these stories and now I can watch whatever I like actually.

Tonight is the night... with a cup of hot nescafe watching my fav drama.... What a bless!

Waiting...

Well... the hospital visit was not too bad. But still... had to wait for a couple of hours. There were other patients waiting too. We chit chatted and time seemed to fly. Had meals (the cafe food) is not that bad. I love the apple pies there. Bought for sandwiches for Zaki and Sarah too.

Zaid finally got his cast removed. What a relief!! He was jumping up and down. Keep on asking for his turn while waiting for the doc. I told him if he can wait for 3 weeks, what is an hour to him...Yes... waiting seemed to be a pain for most of us.

Honestly, I waited a long time to be what I am now. It took me years to be where I am now. Not the high flying career I seek actually but the independence. Had always wanted to end the misery but the time were never right. Now... after a year I can feel the goodness of being independent. Dont want to get hurt no more. Would rather be alone coz alone doesnt mean you are lonely.

Many people asked me whether I am lonely. I said no, of course! The kids kept me company and I have many friends to help me thru. What is matrimony when you no longer respect each other and you lost the trust? Promises you cant keep, the abuse, physical and mental you had to endure? Dont think I want to be in the same boat again. My life is too precious to be wasted. A, you maybe a top gun in a big corp but you are no longer in our top list. You dont deserve any of us. I can finally walk up tall and be myself again after 19 years.... The waiting is over. Yes, I waited that long....

Hoping for a good day...

It was raining for a few hours yesterday. I had to attend an appoinment at KL centre in the rain. Lucky for me not many cars heading my way and I managed to reach home at 4.30pm. Zaki is still down with chicken pox. The doc said at least for a week that he should be quarantined. But I dont know about the other kids whether they will get chicken pox later.

Today I'll be taking Zaid to the hospital to take off the cast. I hope I dont have to queue a long time at the hospital. Have a lot of things to do today...

This morning I got a message from an old friend whom I've not seen for almost 26 years. It felt good waking up and getting the message. I hope its a sign for a good day today...

My siblings

My family came from Ipoh. I was born in Ipoh. I did my primary until Std 5 in Ipoh. My father then moved to Kota Bharu and I finished my primary there. I went to a boarding school in Kelantan and a small part of me still feel that I am part Kelantanese. Hahahah... well I can speak their dialect well.

My father moved to four more towns while I was at secondary school. My other siblings followed my parents. Thus that made them more attached to my parents. Whereas I was only back during school hols which was actually did not coincide with their holidays. I was always alone and eventually I was closer to my freinds. I would find ways to visit my friends during school holidays no matter where they were. Good ole days....

I am the youngest in the family and the only one educated in Malay Medium. My father was concerned about this and he insisted that I speak mainly in English to him. He would correct my language if I did wrong and I am proud of him. He died in April 1994 at 70 and only had seen my first born, Zaki. Dont think Zaki even remembered him.... Too bad. So when we had Zaid, I make sure Zaid carried his name, Ghazali.

My two brothers and sister now live in Klang Valley. They have their own family and we do meet up for gatherings. Somehow or rather, I became a bit distanced after my separation. I wonder why too.....

Faces

We were invited to a little girl's birthday bash at a club in Damansara on Oct 16. The kids had fun swimming and they got their face painted. Well.. not like what other kids would go for.. flowers or butterflies. They wanted something different and even the artist were a bit shock when they asked to be painted that way.

On our way back home, they would try to scare other ppl when we stopped at the traffic lights. Hahahah... Sarah was still looking like a dog the next day when we attended open house at my bosses place.

Whatever or however, they are still my beloved kids... and plus Zaki who is now having chicken pox. Argh... three more weeks to SPM and had to miss school... More worrying for ibu now. Hmmmmm.