Goodbye 2012

It is the last day of 2012. I am away from the bustling KL and spending time all alone with no kids. After a busy month of December with classes, kenduris and activities, I managed to run away for a quick retreat.

2012... A year full with unexpected events and a bit of travelling.... Had the opportunity to travel and spending my time with kids. We enjoyed our holiday especially to Down Under. We spent some quality time when we were there and we planned to go again... But maybe elsewhere.

I wish 2013 would be good to me and maybe find myself a wonderful companion. As I am approaching into my fifth year  of 'singlehood', perhaps it's high time for me to settle down if I could find my perfect match. Fat chance!!! Not actually searching and not desperate either.... Don't want o be tied down and not able to move freely...

2013 would be a busy year too. Had my schedule prepared and packed with classes and travelling. As Sarah is embarking into secondary school, it would be a new routine for us. I need to juggle my time and for the first month at least, I need to be on call if Sarah could not adapt to the new school. I pray that  it would be smooth sailing for Sarah....

Goodbye 2012... Welcome 2013... Happy New Year, everyone!

The truth - finally revealed

In an unexpected twist, I finally found out the truth about A - his true self and his unlawful behavior during our marriage. Even though a bit late as we are already separated; thus it is good to know the truth. I felt relieved as I did the right decision of separating and to endure more pain and bullshit from him is not worth it. But on the other hand I was disappointed for his action towards us during the 19 years tenure.... He never felt guilty for behaving like he did and after 23 years knowing him, I realized that he had never changed. His portrayal as a good man and husband could fool anybody and I protected him during my tenure.... Eventually after years of divorce, the 19 years were all deceit. Thank God I didn't wait longer as I can imagine what's like if I knew the truth during my tenure... How crush would I be? How crazy could I become? And I don't think I want to know....

Needs to transform

I took the kids for holiday in Beijing on my 4th year anniversary of being single. To be honest, to be single and enjoying the independence is utmost wonderful. Just can't imagine that I survived these 4 years without a partner and was not desperate to find one. One thing that I learnt is you just can't rely on anyone to make you a happy person. It's just yourself and how you live to it is more important. Back to Beijing; it was a great holiday and it was my dream to visit the Great Wall of China. Though the trip was short but it was worthwhile. The weather was perfect and the food was excellent. To my surprise, I did not do much shopping as I couldn't find anything that interest me. How shopaholic I may be, the things in China were not in my list. I would rather do my shopping in KL though.... After 4 years, I just feel that the needs to transform is inevitable. Not that I am in a partner-hunting mode but to feel good and look good as well. I received welcoming remarks from my friends and peers and I felt wonderful!! Looking good for yourself is more fulfilling than for others. I suppose I need to change my wardrobe again.... Hahahahah.....(i can imagine the looks on my kids' faces....) As my age is approaching to a new figure (ooppsss....), a brand new outlook would be suitable. I want to just enjoy my remaining life in a blissful, enjoyable and stress-free mode. Life is short!! And to A, again thank you for the wonderful kids....

Happy birthday boys...

Zaid turned 15 today. And Zaki will be 20 in two days time. Suddenly the kids are grown up and soon they will leave the nest. Somehow or rather they are already away with Zaki at college and Zaid in boarding school. With Sarah alone with me, life is a bit quiet. Sarah prefer to be alone and minding her own things. At times I am all alone at home and I can feel at ease. I can do my beading, reading and thinking (?).... I need to plan my moves for at least three years ahead. I need to evaluate my current situation and make new plans for the future. I pray that my kids will turn out excellent in the future and they will appreciate what I have done for them. All I wanted them to know is why I chose my present life now. They need to understand that the outcome is more important. I always pray that the kids would appreciate each other and be responsible towards each other. Life is so short to worry about the unnecessary things.... Make the best of what we have and live life to the fullest!! Finally happy birthday to Zaid and Zaki.... Ibu love you....

My Fourth Year Anniversary

It is the first day of Syawal 2012. And it had been 4 years being single. How could anyone forget your divorce anniversary if it falls on 1st of Syawal? How am I feeling now? Actually whenever Syawal is approaching, the memories of Syawal 2008 kept on lingering in my mind... I can still hear and feel the same and I hate feeling like this. How could somebody spoil your raya... As though there are no other days.... There are 365 days in a year and he chose 1 Syawal.... Hmmmmm..... I think I should celebrate my fourth year as I survived 4 years being single. I think it is a victory that I could survive on my own.... Come what may, selamat hari raya to all....

Sarah turned 12 - 2012

My dear Sarah turned 12 on 5th July 2012. How time flies and suddenly all the kids are grown-ups. Looking back, it felt so fast raising all these three kids... Or perhaps I am the one getting old.... But still, I am proud of all of them, Zaki in U, Zaid at his boarding school and Sarah growing up at her own pace. Today, mother and daughter went for a similar hair-cut. We had Secret Recipe cakes and celebrate her birthday together quietly... She did asked for a birthday bash but since both boys are not around, I thought I should postpone her party. Wait until both of the boys are back and maybe plan something for Sarah. As Ramadhan is approaching, perhaps we would have a small gathering with friends.... Sarah's birthday and welcoming Ramadhan. Happy birthday, dear Sarah.... I love you dearly....

Making decisions...

We were in Australia for a week during mid May. The weather was excellent and the kids really enjoyed their break. I had a wonderful time too. Sarah attended her therapy at Brisbane and I attended a seminar. It was a fruitful trip. Eventhough we had limited time, we tried to visit the important places as scheduled. While I was there, I felt like I needed to think outside the box, go beyond my comfort zone and decide on what's best for me and Sarah. After some discussion with a friend, I am looking into furthering my studies and start a new life elsewhere. Being contented as where I am now, it's no longer a challenge to be here. I need to broaden my horizon and step into a new environment where people are not judgemental and to be honest, there's nothing to look forward here, now! I just want to close my book here and open a new leaf other than this place.... Not that I don't like my present life, it had been wonderful since I lived on my own (with the kids)... But the environment is no longer conducive for me and Sarah. We need a new place, new people and new surroundings.... Therefore I need to decide what's best for me and Sarah's future. I need to calculate, evaluate and decide.....

Happy birthday to me....

Today, February 3 is my birthday. I am older today but who cares about the number... Alhamdulillah for the good years and I hope for the best to come....

Today I spent the whole morning at Shah Alam attending a meeting. What a way to celebrate a birthday!! Thus it was fun coz met some friends. I had to rush after the meeting for Sarah's piano class and tonight I have to assist in the office.... Wow!! A very2 busy day for me....

This is my 4th birthday after the divorce and it's okay. I don't miss being married as my current life is eventful and meaningful. I see my kids grow up and I am happy with their development. With my busy schedule, I have little time to think of finding a mate... Not now.... There's so much to do and I pray that Allah would give the strength to fulfil all my dreams, insyaAllah....

To my kids, thank you for making my life worthwhile... Take good care of yourselves and I love you all very much....