Mixed feelings

The last two weeks was very hectic and I was dead tired.... Had classes almost every night for the last two weeks and a big event on both weekends. And worst of all having Zaid with conjunctivitis, a severe one. He could not attend school and his term exam. And the school refused to accept his MC. I am surprised with that A could not sort this matter with zaid's teachers. If zaid is still under my care, I would have tried harder but......

The most disappointing thing is that his wife somehow is not willing to take care of my kids. Bukannya budak kecik pun.... Since dia sakit, jaga lah sekejap. My duration being married, I was the one taking care of all of them in sickness and barely a month being with him, they were given ultimatum and warning after warning..... What happened to the so-called complete family he claimed to have with wife, maid and the works!!!?

I have mixed feelings now.... Should I or shouldn't I? I want A to be responsible for his kids and most of all be responsible for all his wrong doings. What the use of a wife should she not able to care for your own flesh and blood? Is she only after your wealth? But whatever it may be, my kids have all the legal rights and I will make sure that they know their rights and will fight till the end should anything happened to me. Is this the perfect one that you yearned and cried over for the last 21 years?....

What a sad thing....

An uneasy gut feelings

The last month as I thought was a starting of a new leash of life (with the boys staying with A) turned out to be a turnaround. I started having this uneasy feeling ever since early of 2011 but I could not confirm any. After I sent the boys packing, I realized something amiss. Not wanting to trust my gut feeling as it was all over years ago, I made my move. I soon realized that my gut feeling was right but I could not do more to help. It's sometimes the choices that we make in life and how we live with it. We have to make things right and work towards it.

No doubt my feelings is deep but to start anew is never my priority. Don't think I wanted to be in the same situation again... Now I hope he will sort out his problems and for once and for all, be a responsible man!

A long awaited meeting

After almost three years, I finally met my x-in laws at a funeral of A's relative. He SMS me in the morning to inform me and I decided to pay a visit. I knew that I will be meeting his family but I still went on as there's nothing to fear of. I Salam both mum n dad in- laws and chit chatted awhile with mum. I then met his siblings and finally I met A. We exchanged a few words regarding the kids witnessed by his mum. Then we parted....

It felt a bit odd actually. On my way there, I was imagining and wondering what should I say to them and surprisingly, the meeting went well. No fighting, bickering etc. I can see that his other relatives were also looking at our reactions. I have fulfilled my obligation towards his relatives as that aunt of his visited me when I was ill during my marriage.

I felt good that I did not feel bad towards his family and his extended family welcomed me. I can say that now, I am obviously over the matter. Perhaps with him marrying, the situation between us changed. I am not angry at all, in fact I felt relieved knowing that. At last I am free from him....Totally free....

Tq again to A for the 19 years together and may your present will last longer....

State of confusion

Something happened yesterday and it left me dumbfounded. I somehow could not get the thought out of my mind n until today, it still lingers... I don't know how long would it last but for all I know I have to get rid of the thoughts soon. I could live with this feelings n I don't want to be disappointed anymore.

It seems to good to be true... I m confused n I hope to get over it the soonest.

Finally... Decision Made

After months of thinking and contemplating, I finally decided to send the boys to A as they needed a father figure in their lives. Perhaps A may be able to control the boys and he had been promising many things should they stay with him. To realised their dreams (?) and perhaps my offers were not lucrative, I think the boys would get what they want from their father.

It was hard for me but I had to do it coz I needed to move on. As A had his life all worked up, maybe now its my time to work out my life. Perhaps think for my future... THe last two weeks was spent clearing the rooms and spring cleaning my home. I had to rearrange my timetable to accomodate Sarah's time too.

Been busy with my classes and there will be many meetings for the next three months. My classes are wonderful as the students for this course are attentive and understanding. I am enjoying my time with the new students.

Am thinking to go for holidays soon. Been surfing to search for a new getaway with my dear Sarah. Btw my trip to Eagles concert was GREAT!!!