Happy 2012 to all.

Happy new year everyone! Hope that 2012 would be better than 2011 for all... As for me, 2011 was fairly good to me even though there were some unfortunate events. I manage to pull through and I thanked Allah for giving me the strength and wisdom.

2012.... Please be good to me... New resolutions? I doubt so, I don't think I have any. Just continue with the old ones, I suppose.I wish to travel a bit this year. I have planned but subject to $$$$$$. That means I have to work harder to pursue my dream. As the kids are growing older, I may want to concentrate on my life, giving myself more time and travel before I get too old for globe-trotting....

To my kids, study hard and be good. To all my friends, may Allah bless you always and may all your dreams come true.....

Holiday blues...

We were in HK last June and it was summer. It was hot but fun! For this holidays, as I have not decided where to go yet, looking at my old holidays pics would make me make up my mind.... Bangkok? Langkawi? HK again? HMC? Where to go....

As all the kids are currently not with me now, I cant discuss with them. If only I have tons of money, then I dont have problem deciding. My main problem is I have to travel on tight budget. Well... this year alone I was in Vietnam, twice in Singapore and once in HK....

I have a few days more to think.... Urrmmm.....

Yearning for a break!

Yup! I am yearning for a break. Really needed to get away doesn't matter where... Still browsing for places to go and still hasn't decided to go alone or not. A intends to take the kids for holidays meaning I don't have to take them this school holidays. But if I go alone, I think it would not be fun. Aarrrgghhhh.... I really can't decide. I pity the kids if I go alone but where to go??

With all the new classes during this school holidays really made me very busy. Well... I still need to work to fend for myself, pay my bills etc... At times it's good to be busy because it leaves little time for me to think the unwanted things... Hehehe. With the opening of a new kindergarten to manage, my hands are full. Imagine next year, I will have to manage 3 schools! On top of that I will have 5 tuition classes! Phew! In anticipation of my tight schedule, I need a break now!!!

I need a break, I need a break, I need a break...... Please help me!

Another accident

Zaki met an accident again and this time he broke his arm.... He called after the accident giggling telling me right after the incident. His friends took him to the hospital and got his hand plastered. The next day I was very tight on my schedule and could not visit him. Yesterday I took time off to visit him with Sarah. Drove to his college leisurely and took him for lunch at Kuala Selangor. Went shopping for his things and sent him back.

Really can't stop any accident from happening though....but the most irritating thing is that A didn't ever bother to visit his son. Even his wife could not be bothered to call or pay Zaki a visit. I suppose my kids are not important to them. Sometimes I wonder why A became like that.... The kids are amanah from Allah and mind you, they are legal kids of his. Why treat them as though they are not important? That I really don't understand. He can hate me or treat me badly but the kids will forever be his.... Bukannya boleh tukar bin or binti.... Hish! Tak paham la.... Kata life dah complete tapi masih sama je......

October 1 2011

Today marks the third anniversary for me being single. How time flies and looking back all the years, I am glad that I chose this road. It may be unthinkable at first but eventually I survived these three years without any major breakdown. I suppose many people would never thought I would breeze through these years being single but were they wrong!

Honestly, I have not thought of finding a mate as my current life is considerably good. Even better than expected. In the last three years, I manage to do a bit of traveling, get a decent career, a home and spent quality time bringing up my kids. We may not live in luxury but we had the best time together traveling and getting closer. Since all the kids are in their teens, life is much easier. They are independent and they understand what I am going through.

What else do I want in life? Perhaps seeing my kids grow up further and succeed in their lives. I need to chill and grow old gracefully.....

Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2011

I spent 1 Syawal alone at home as the kids were with A. A very quiet day lazing around at home, catching up with my ironing and beauty sleep. Late noon the kids came back n we shoot off to Shah Alam and Cheras to visit my siblings. On the second day, we went to visit A's grandmother.

We flew to Singapore on Thursday n spent 4 days shopping and walking all over Singapore. The kids enjoyed Singapore shopping and Sarah as usual enjoyed Universal Studio. It was very hot n humid.we celebrated the boys' birthday at Zam Zam again..... Oh...! Zaki and Zaid turned 19 n 14 respectively. How time flies and suddenly I felt old. I think it's time for me to take the next step to fulfill my dream n interest. As the kids are no longer staying with me, I have more time for myself n indulge in my interest.

Perhaps next Raya we should go elsewhere. Further n not hot!!!!

Ramadhan 2011

I have been keeping low for the last month as too many things happening in a short span of time. Needed some time to digest and chill, actually. A very hectic ramadhan this year even though the boys are not with me. Sarah is forever handful and with my time in the office is draining my energy. A lot of programs during ramadhan and my little girl had not been well too. She had flu and asthma for a week. I hope this week she will be okay.

The boys will be coming back this week but they will be with A for the hari raya. He will take them a few days before raya leaving me alone for this auspicious day. But on the other hand, hari raya is just another day. I will be celebrating my third year of "independence" on 1st Syawal and I think it's good to be alone too. Nothing to celebrate.....

To all, Selamat Hari Raya and may Allah bless all of you....

Hopefully

After discussing about this matter with A, we decided to send Zaid to another school, a 'boarding islamic' school actually. We feel that its the best for him and hopefully he is able to turn on a new leaf. It was a hard decision for me but I need to be firm in this matter.

Whatever happens, the kids will forever be the loves of my life....

Sarah is 11 today!

Today 5th July 2011 is Sarah's 11th birthday. How time flies... The kids have grown just before my eyes. That means I am getting older too, yet wiser. Sounds like VI's motto, eh? We had ice cream at Baskin Robbins last night and had dinner at a Thai Restaurant with another student.

I bought some new CDs before having dinner. Can't resist buying the CDs actually.... My student was awed with my impromptu purchases. Shopping is a part of my therapy... Whenever I feel depressed, I start buying things.

Will plan for sarah's party next week. Too busy this week.....

Hello again.

It's been quite some time since I update my blog. I had been tied up with some work but most of all, too many things happening that needed my attention. They really drained my energy.

Btw during school holidays, I took Zaid and Sarah to Hong Kong. Initially I thought of taking them in Sept but since Zaki refused to follow, I decided to go earlier. At least there's summer sale in HK. Spent a whole day at Disneyland to fulfill Sarah's wish. It was damn hot! Luckily Zaid was around, at least he could accompany Sarah on her rides. Managed to cover almost all parts of the place. The next time I go Hk would be another 3 years time!,

An unfortunate event happened to my son and I was devastated. I was even more upset considering their father's attitude towards the event. Due to this, I knew that I had to stay strong and not let my emotion failed me. I don't want to fall into another phase of depression and I immediately sought help for my son. I pray that Allah will give me strength....

Since this unfortunate event, I realized that A had never cared about us. This case is somehow similar to what I went through 3 years back and even then he wasn't supportive and left me in the lurch. I do have my regrets now.... What kind of a father he is and a man in general. His attitude proved his selfishness. What a sad thing.....

I need to pull through this and go on with my life. Thanks to all my friends who supported morally and most of all, Alhamdulillah, Praise to Allah.

Closure....

I finally had a talk with A's mum yesterday. We had lunch together at a mall. I called in the morning to arrange a meeting with her and she accepted my invitation. Soon after that A messaged to inform that they were quite apprehend to meet me. As I only wanted to pass some of their belongings n a gift, I told him that the meeting is harmless.

She came with his sisters but they did not had lunch. We talked for a couple of hours and by the end, I consider that it was a closure. I managed to speak my mind without any fear of being judged n I really hope they finally understood my situation and standing.

I hope that with this closure, I am able to move forward (faster...) n knowing that they are aware of the situation, I feel great. I just want to leave bygones be bygones....

Almost to the end

Alhamdulillah... My court case has come almost to the end. We finally signed a new agreement n now awaiting for the court order. It was a long wait for me but at the end all ended well... I was anxious to wait for the final day but I was glad that we finally agreed to settle it amicably. He should have just followed the earlier agreement that we signed but he insisted to fight in court. I really don't understand why he wanted to go through the ordeal n the agony. My lawyer is 15k richer from my case but I am very happy with his service.

Now I feel free n happy with the decision.... Thank you, A.

Mixed feelings

The last two weeks was very hectic and I was dead tired.... Had classes almost every night for the last two weeks and a big event on both weekends. And worst of all having Zaid with conjunctivitis, a severe one. He could not attend school and his term exam. And the school refused to accept his MC. I am surprised with that A could not sort this matter with zaid's teachers. If zaid is still under my care, I would have tried harder but......

The most disappointing thing is that his wife somehow is not willing to take care of my kids. Bukannya budak kecik pun.... Since dia sakit, jaga lah sekejap. My duration being married, I was the one taking care of all of them in sickness and barely a month being with him, they were given ultimatum and warning after warning..... What happened to the so-called complete family he claimed to have with wife, maid and the works!!!?

I have mixed feelings now.... Should I or shouldn't I? I want A to be responsible for his kids and most of all be responsible for all his wrong doings. What the use of a wife should she not able to care for your own flesh and blood? Is she only after your wealth? But whatever it may be, my kids have all the legal rights and I will make sure that they know their rights and will fight till the end should anything happened to me. Is this the perfect one that you yearned and cried over for the last 21 years?....

What a sad thing....

An uneasy gut feelings

The last month as I thought was a starting of a new leash of life (with the boys staying with A) turned out to be a turnaround. I started having this uneasy feeling ever since early of 2011 but I could not confirm any. After I sent the boys packing, I realized something amiss. Not wanting to trust my gut feeling as it was all over years ago, I made my move. I soon realized that my gut feeling was right but I could not do more to help. It's sometimes the choices that we make in life and how we live with it. We have to make things right and work towards it.

No doubt my feelings is deep but to start anew is never my priority. Don't think I wanted to be in the same situation again... Now I hope he will sort out his problems and for once and for all, be a responsible man!

A long awaited meeting

After almost three years, I finally met my x-in laws at a funeral of A's relative. He SMS me in the morning to inform me and I decided to pay a visit. I knew that I will be meeting his family but I still went on as there's nothing to fear of. I Salam both mum n dad in- laws and chit chatted awhile with mum. I then met his siblings and finally I met A. We exchanged a few words regarding the kids witnessed by his mum. Then we parted....

It felt a bit odd actually. On my way there, I was imagining and wondering what should I say to them and surprisingly, the meeting went well. No fighting, bickering etc. I can see that his other relatives were also looking at our reactions. I have fulfilled my obligation towards his relatives as that aunt of his visited me when I was ill during my marriage.

I felt good that I did not feel bad towards his family and his extended family welcomed me. I can say that now, I am obviously over the matter. Perhaps with him marrying, the situation between us changed. I am not angry at all, in fact I felt relieved knowing that. At last I am free from him....Totally free....

Tq again to A for the 19 years together and may your present will last longer....

State of confusion

Something happened yesterday and it left me dumbfounded. I somehow could not get the thought out of my mind n until today, it still lingers... I don't know how long would it last but for all I know I have to get rid of the thoughts soon. I could live with this feelings n I don't want to be disappointed anymore.

It seems to good to be true... I m confused n I hope to get over it the soonest.

Finally... Decision Made

After months of thinking and contemplating, I finally decided to send the boys to A as they needed a father figure in their lives. Perhaps A may be able to control the boys and he had been promising many things should they stay with him. To realised their dreams (?) and perhaps my offers were not lucrative, I think the boys would get what they want from their father.

It was hard for me but I had to do it coz I needed to move on. As A had his life all worked up, maybe now its my time to work out my life. Perhaps think for my future... THe last two weeks was spent clearing the rooms and spring cleaning my home. I had to rearrange my timetable to accomodate Sarah's time too.

Been busy with my classes and there will be many meetings for the next three months. My classes are wonderful as the students for this course are attentive and understanding. I am enjoying my time with the new students.

Am thinking to go for holidays soon. Been surfing to search for a new getaway with my dear Sarah. Btw my trip to Eagles concert was GREAT!!!

Home alone

I am all alone this weekend. The kids are with A and I am taking it easy at home. As sunday is a busy day for me, I decided to have a total rest today. Starting next week I will be utmost busy as a new project has just started. I really hope that this new project would be smooth sailing n I am able to cope with the new demand.

I am looking forward for my birthday treat next week. I intend to have a jolly good time there even if I am alone. Come what may, I want to enjoy myself on my own. Life is short. Live life to the fullest and don't forget to balance between dunia n akhirat.

Another year in counting

It is my birthday today. Another year older but wiser, I presumed. A very quiet day spending the whole morning at home lazing around watching movies. Actually I am still exhausted from the trip to Ho Chi Minh with some friends. A friend needed to buy some things for her daughter's upcoming wedding.

The trip to HCM was a good one even though I was tight on cash. Went to assist my friend to get her shopping done and I needed the break from home. Sarah came with me but the boys went to their father. Sarah had a great time walking with us shopping and she got herself some stuffs too.

I got myself the Vietnamese suit that I always wanted... A glaring red n black suit! When am I going to wear it doesn't matter. I will find an occasion to wear the red suit.

Happy birthday to me.... Alhamdulillah....

Unexpected events

I received a call from a new friend and we ended chatting at a coffee shop till midnite. What an unexpected surprise coz this new friend attended A's wedding last year and also a buddy of A's wife. Well.... A is actually her third husband! What a surprise! I suppose that this is he had always wanted and yearned. Perhaps this time, she is able to keep him grounded. Well having a lot of experiences, she may be able to succeed this time.

As for me, I am glad knowing that he ended up with his present wife and his dream wife is fulfilled. The best of luck to him and may they have happiness till the end.

Btw I managed to get tix for Justin Bieber's concert in April and more eventful is that I had tix for the Eagles concert in Singapore next Feb. Will have a great time at the concert. I better start listening to the songs to enable to sing along during the concert. What a great way to celebrate my birthday!

A Busy 2011 Start

The starting of 2011 was hectic! With two kindies to run and a new task at the organization. With the kids starting schooling, I was exhausted. The two kindies (new kids registrations and new kids adjusting) were a handful. I was running back and forth and by the second week, everything was almost normal. Had to train the new teachers and getting all the supplies in before the school starts.

I would like to thank all my good friends who helped chipped in for the new school. May Allah bless all of you.

My other classes also started on second week. Had new students and my timetable is full throughout the week.

For the next few weekends, I have programmes involving the ADUN and will be on my toes. I am enjoying the tasks given to me and insyaAllah I will be able to fulfil the requirements by the office.

Wish me luck, friends! I really need it!!