A Different Approach

I decided to play the game differently. Since A sent an email stating that he wouldnt fight for the kids, I let him visit the kids at my home. Before his lawyer starts sending letters saying that he doesnt know the condition of his kids at home, I let him come and see all. He accompanied my kids swimming at the pool and Zaki asked whether he wanted to come to the house. It took him longer to climb up all the stairs and my kids were winking at me.... Hahahah....

I hope there will be no more questions about our place and they played the piano for him. He took the kids out for dinner after that and I stayed home. It was almost maghrib and I just came back from my class.

As usual, he is still busy with his phone, calling and sms-ing.... And I thot he would change.... Fat chance!

Could it be real?

The title sounds odd but thats how I am feeling and wondering now. Could it be real? A had almost a heart attack (PE) but he survived. Perhaps Allah still wants to give him opportunity to change.... emmm... perhaps.

We did not visit him when he was at the hospital as we were not informed. I ask him to forgive his kids. Our presence were not needed and my kids may not be that important compared to the others.

His smses to me seem a bit mellowed and I deduce that maybe he had come to his senses. I prayed that he had waken up and fulfil his responsibilities towards his kids. But still... my case at the court is still on for late June.... If only he would repent and realise that it will do more harm to him should he proceed. Only time will tell....

Another sick man

I found out that A has been hospitalized (and still) for having blood clot in his lungs. It came no surprise to me as I can feel that.... Even after my divorce, I still have the instinct. I hate feeling it coz our relationship is over and done.

I can imagine how the family would be now. But as nobody informed me or my kids, I assume they dont want us to know or my kids are not important enough for him. But its ok actually. I would not go to visit him as we dont have ties anymore. He is just the father of my kids. I informed my kids and for them since nobody informed them, they treat is as no news.

Even on last Friday we communicated thru email and he said that he will not pay Zaki's tuition fees and I replied that if he continue shortchanging our lives, then Allah will repay him. I did ask him to repent and I did not get any reply from him. In March 2008, A was hospitalized and I said the same thing.... Remember Allah and repent but instead I was kicked and chased out from the hospital... This time no more kicking coz I will never go near.

Sometimes when we do something to people, we forget that theres Allah. Dont think you can get away with all as the doas from the kids and the others you hurt and harm. Allah is Great and Fair.... To A, I wish you happiness and luck.

Happiness

I love Harry Potter's movies. It may sound childish but I have all the books and the DVDs. I will take the trouble to watch it at the cinema and still watch the DVDs. It gives some kind of good feelings not that I believe in magic but I learn some wisdom words from the movies.

Albus Dumbledore said that there's happiness in even the darkest time if only if we turn on the light. And its true... even in the darkest time in my life, I can still find happiness if I try to let go. I dont to grow old ahead of my time and I want to savour every minute of my life with my kids and let them feel my love around them.

I want them to know that nothing could be more important than them and their welfare is my utmost priority. Every morning I wake up and thank Allah for giving me another day with my kids and every nite, I thanked Allah for the day I had. Happiness is when you know that you are appreciated and loved by others. Nobody could take over the places of my kids and I will cherish and take care of them as long as I live.

My relationship with A is over and my happiness is only my kids, my students, my friends and those who shared my pain....

Up, Close and Personal Nite

I attended the concert hosted by Datuk Sharifah Aini with my two good friends. It was superb and had the time of my life. She was amazing and I had the opportunity to sing together with her. It was crazy! Unthinkable and un-imaginable. Not in a million years!

We enjoyed the concert very much and after the all hard time dealing with A in the recent weeks, last nite was a way of de-stressing. It felt good to get away and sing your hearts out. Thank you again to Az and Haji N who accompanied me last nite.....

Happier days in the making

What? At times help can come in many ways. The assistance I received ever since and with the doa and prayers from friends helped me through the dark patches in my life. With the latest unfortunate event (?) as my kindy needs to be relocated again, I was offered by the nearby surau a place to put my school. I am blessed as the offer came even before I asked them. Its not easy to relocate the kindy as I have students, parents and staffs to answer to. With the new location insyaAllah which is just next door, it wont be a hassle.

And to my surprise, I cried in front of a friend today. I was very frustrated and she came along trying to help me make things easier. I am trying to sort my matters with A and this friend has a way of getting thru this. I suppose she may be the only person currently who has a better hand to help me out. I really hope and pray I could go thru this....

This is why happier days in the making... I can see some light at the end and with the people around me chipping in, things would be even better.....

Getting over and out!

I realized that for the last six months (at least!), I had not been bothered to even think about A. And since we moved to our new place, the old house somehow didnt meant anything to me anymore. I could not recall any good things about the past in that house; all I could remember and wanted to do was to get away and getting over things.

I was told that A was ill and I could not be bothered! I have my own life to lead and definitely without him. We are quite used not having him and DEFINITELY never having him again. We had enough! So to speak I had enough! I am now busy building up my kids lives and mine.

As for my family, I dont understand what else to think. They are trying to make me miserable as what A is doing and Alhamdulillah... I am doing alright with my life now without interferences from my family. At least my eldest brother has some common sense. The rest.... I wish you all well eventhough what you all said about me. Well... its my time now... being helpless. Just hope you all will not be in my boat in the future... at least.

Dear all, please pray that all will be over soon.... Getting over and out from the dark side of misery....

Another week over

Zaki managed to complete his first week in college without any hitches. He took the public transport to his college as taking his bike is not advisable with the current weather. At least the LRT is on time and convenient. Besides his classes during the day, he still went to teach his students at nights and during weekends. I am proud of what he is doing as he is showing his commitment and responsibilty.....

On other note, Sarah had an appoinment at HUKM last Wednesday. She still has to see the specialist every 3 months as they need to assess her from time to time. After the appoinment, I took the kids out to get some clothes for Zaki. I informed A so that he would repay the bills and as usual... he is not bothered. He gave Zaki RM200 and that money was supposed to pay for all his clothes. I wonder do they still sell 3 pairs of jeans, shirts, boxers and socks for RM200. Maybe perhaps A is living in the year of the 70s. Aahh...just forget about it!

This weekend is full with activities... and I have classes.... But no matter what, I am enjoying what I do now. I still have time for the kids especially Sarah.....

A whole new world

It sounds like the song from Alladin, the Disney cartoon.... But it is meaningful. Zaki started his class at the college and he seems to be excited with new bunch of friends and different level of education. What I meant is no more school uniforms! There are only 5 malays in his class and he is coping well....

With less stress (wishful thinking), I hope Zaki could concerntrate better and able to excel... He must get over the unfortunate events in our lives and focus for a better future.....

Silver lining in the clouds....

As the saying goes 'there's a silver lining in the dark clouds', its very true. In every turn of event or mishap, there should be a good thing instal for us. All we need to do is to look at the brighter side; pray, persevere and have faith... InsyaAllah there'll be a solution and assistance.

As for us now, getting news during the meeting I attended just now was a blessing. Alhamdulillah.... and to all, I wish all my gratitute and thankfulness for your support and aid. I am lost of words and deep from the bottom of my heart, I thank every each of you for your thoughtfulness.....

I am blessed to have friends like all of you as you have accepted and treated me more like my own family. With all these, I hope that life would be better and I am able to look forward and continue with my effort. I will devote my strength and energy to my kids, friends and society.

Thank you for your faith and believing in me...

My Nightmare... When will it ends

I had been having nightmares for the last few years, sleepless nights, waking up in the middle of my sleeps. But at least its much better now but here we go again! A as usual always has something up his sleeves and now he is delaying (?) his payment for the kids expenses, rental etc... As I have quit my job to take care of Sarah's needs and I am cash-tight. Thats why my nightmare starts again. I dont know where to go to for help... but I know I will get it solved by hook or by crook. I need to regain my strength and get back on my feet.

What he is trying to do is for me to be penniless and have to give up all my kids. And that wont happen.... How hard it may seems, but I will try to survive and fight with all my mights to ensure that all the kids would be with me. My kids need me and I need them for I took care of all of them since birth without help and assistance from anybody. How much he tries to destroy me and I will stand back each time to fight....

Ya Allah... please help me go through these with courage and patience... give me strength and ways to get me over this mess.... Ameen...