The Promise

A book titled The Promise by Danielle Steel, a book that I read during my school days. And in 1981, the movie came. I remembered taking the train to Penang from Ipoh to see the movie alone. It was a wonderful movie and very touching....

Recently, I downloaded the movie and watched it again after more than 30 years watching it at the cinema. I can still recall the storyline and it still touch my heart.... I guess the story reflect what I hope in life and the promise made not to be broken.

This weekend is my movie day; not having the kids at home and lazing alone watching movies... What a wonderful weekend, less stress and no worries!

An unexpected visit

Finally after almost 5 years, I eventually went to my in-laws home to pay them a visit. What prompted me? My dad in-law celebrated his birthday last week and during Sarah's visit to their house recently, he asked for a present from me. She came back and told me and of course I was shocked! Didn't expect that at all! At spur of the moment I decided to buy something and first I thought I would get the kids to pass the gifts to them. However, after thinking hard, I decided to send them myself.

My heart was throbbing fast as I drove to their place... The once familiar route I had travelled seemed far and the thought of being in that house almost chickened me out. But I pulled my courage and continued my journey to their house... In my heart, I was praying that nobody else would be at home except for his parents....

With couple of gifts and two packets of chicken chops in hand, I arrived. As I stepped into the house, I can still feel the awkward feeling; not wanted and not welcomed...; but I remained calm. I am just there to give their presents and after half an hour, I was already on my way out.... The meeting turned out okay and no harsh words being exchanged between us.

A didn't call me about the visit as I expected his parents would have called him to inform. Perhaps he wouldn't mind. He had hinted to me a couple of times to go to his parents house to pick up Sarah and I refused. The visit ended my fears of "what if" and I thank God nothing worse had happened. I had performed my duty as a daughter and I pray that all will end well in the future....

A frustrating week

The week passed with disappointing news and sleepless nights for me. I could not describe what I felt throughout the week and when the harrowing experience ended, I had to make the most difficult decision in my life. I could not comprehend what had happened but I need to decide to put an end to the problem.

My sleepless nights turned into nightmare and how disappointing it may be, I had to swallow all and accept the fact that it happened. As I looked back at all the events that had happened in the couple of recent years, I may be wrong in acting in such manner. Perhaps my actions were the reasons why the problem arose. I could not see any reason why it should happened that way but it did. I suppose it will take a long time for me to digest and comprehend the matter.

As I had to intervene, I hope this decision I made this time could change some things..... I pray that the nightmare would end and hope that brighter days would come in the near future. Ya Allah, please give strength and peace.... Amen.....

Adjusting Time

As 2013 is in progress, my time has become very limited; that is time to laze around. In anticipation of possible setbacks in my career path, I decided to venture into doing extra hours of classes elsewhere ( not my comfort zone) and after a month, I found it exhausting yet satisfying... Even though I had to run around daily, the outcome is worth it. I do not need to be involve in any tussle with co-workers and I eventually could control my own time.


All I need is to fine tune my time and schedules to accommodate all my classes and optimize the satisfaction. I had the opportunity to help more people and assisting those who really can appreciate and value you is more satisfying than pleasing a bunch of ungrateful people.... I pray that Allah will give me strength and good health for me to continue with my passion for teaching and help those in need.

As for my personal life, I need to put it on hold. No hurry to venture into any relationship as I would rather stay this way and see my kids grow and not worrying about the others. All I have now are my kids and my students whom I have grown to care and cherished.

Btw next week I will be celebrating my birthday. I already bought myself a present which I had dreamt of... And may the era will treat me good......

New year, new hopes...

It's early January 2013, school has started and my busy schedule has begin... My first week is still arranging my time phase and all classes will begin next week. Alhamdulillah Sarah is adjusting well in her new school and I pray that she will do well in the future. My hope is she can cope with the new environment and blend well with her new friends. So far, she indicated that she is enjoying her school and hope that she will continue enjoying it....

As for the boys, Zaid as his usual self and I am pressing for more recital in the near future. He has some issues and with the therapy, I hope he will be able to comprehend the situation and mellow down. He has to get over whatever he is feeling and realise that whatever is planned is the best for him.

And for Zaki, I hope he will excel in his studies and make up proud. He has grown into a young man and he has to be responsible for the family; me and the other kids.... Whatever it may be, I will always be there for the kids as its my only goal in my life. They know that I live for them and my love is unconditional.

Be good, kids... Stay on the right path and Allah bless all of you....

Goodbye 2012

It is the last day of 2012. I am away from the bustling KL and spending time all alone with no kids. After a busy month of December with classes, kenduris and activities, I managed to run away for a quick retreat.

2012... A year full with unexpected events and a bit of travelling.... Had the opportunity to travel and spending my time with kids. We enjoyed our holiday especially to Down Under. We spent some quality time when we were there and we planned to go again... But maybe elsewhere.

I wish 2013 would be good to me and maybe find myself a wonderful companion. As I am approaching into my fifth year  of 'singlehood', perhaps it's high time for me to settle down if I could find my perfect match. Fat chance!!! Not actually searching and not desperate either.... Don't want o be tied down and not able to move freely...

2013 would be a busy year too. Had my schedule prepared and packed with classes and travelling. As Sarah is embarking into secondary school, it would be a new routine for us. I need to juggle my time and for the first month at least, I need to be on call if Sarah could not adapt to the new school. I pray that  it would be smooth sailing for Sarah....

Goodbye 2012... Welcome 2013... Happy New Year, everyone!

The truth - finally revealed

In an unexpected twist, I finally found out the truth about A - his true self and his unlawful behavior during our marriage. Even though a bit late as we are already separated; thus it is good to know the truth. I felt relieved as I did the right decision of separating and to endure more pain and bullshit from him is not worth it. But on the other hand I was disappointed for his action towards us during the 19 years tenure.... He never felt guilty for behaving like he did and after 23 years knowing him, I realized that he had never changed. His portrayal as a good man and husband could fool anybody and I protected him during my tenure.... Eventually after years of divorce, the 19 years were all deceit. Thank God I didn't wait longer as I can imagine what's like if I knew the truth during my tenure... How crush would I be? How crazy could I become? And I don't think I want to know....